On Unhealthy Rumination
Introduction
Rumination is the act of thinking about something but without deriving any benefits. It can include worrying too much, reviewing/rehashing something in circles, or generating pointless analysis and criticism. Rumination is negative because people usually don’t want to do it, can’t help doing it, and get no useful result from doing it.
Distinguish between reflection and rumination. Reflection involves objective observation and impartial examination that produces insight, whereas rumination is driven by unconscious activity and is used as a way to avoid confronting uncomfortable feelings and emotions. People ruminate when they feel bad and then they get trapped into trying to analyze “the cause” of the feelings because they can’t address the feelings directly. When it seems as though certain thoughts and feelings are incessantly dogging you, it is a sign of unconscious resistance against them, and rumination provides the illusion of “handling” the situation when, in fact, you are getting nowhere and perhaps even thinking yourself deeper into despair.
While there are some minor differences between the types in terms of how they prefer to process feelings and express emotions, this doesn’t mean that the “preferred” methods are good strategies. It is true for everyone that negative feelings require processing and negative emotions require some form of healthy expression. Sometimes, it may be enough to vent or complain about what’s bothering you so that emotions can “pass though” instead of getting blocked up inside. People resist negative feelings and emotions when they can’t accept reality, but resisting never works because the act of resistance only serves to feed more energy into the thing you’re resisting. The more energy you give something, the more power you give it, and the longer it lives on instead of fading away (similar to how trying to forget something only makes you think about it more). Therefore, ruminating is the opposite of what you should do when feeling bad because it won’t lead to the clarity or closure that is required for moving on.
Unconscious repression or active suppression of feelings and emotions easily turns into negative patterns of behavior. When you don’t process feelings and emotions properly, you don’t learn the right lessons from negative events/mistakes/failures, which makes it likely that they will repeat. Without obtaining proper closure, your feelings and emotions have nowhere to go and then they easily mutate into a “trigger point” that makes you fearful and defensive about similar situations in the future. For example, if you embarrassed yourself publicly but never got over those feelings, you’re likely to avoid any and all situations that remind you of the past event, which leads you to living your life in fear and missing out on many good opportunities.
Having a good relationship to emotional life is absolutely vital for psychological health. Feelings and emotions inform you about what is good/bad for you, therefore, the logical consequence of denying this side of yourself is that you become incapable of knowing how to act in your own best interests. For example, some people use alcohol to numb their unhappiness but they don’t realize that they end up blocking out everything including the emotional warning signs of the harm that is being done by the excessive drinking, which creates an easy slide into alcoholism. Feelings help you accurately self-diagnose problems, so avoiding them means being unable to understand what’s really going on with yourself, which amounts to hiding from the truth of yourself and decreasing self-awareness.
Since rumination is an introverted activity, it generally concerns the introverted cognitive functions. Therefore, the manner in which a person ruminates depends on which introverted functions are involved and how they are misused in reaction to unconscious emotional reactivity. Everyone has introverted functions, so anyone can fall into ruminating at some point. Extraverts might feel much more distressed by long periods of rumination because it is often a sign of inferior grip and the accompanying mental instability, whereas Introverts might easily resign themselves to endlessly ruminating because it often coincides with the “comfort” of tertiary loop. Of course, I cannot cover every possible topic or issue that people ruminate about, I can only describe common cognitive patterns of rumination in hopes of helping people identify when they are doing it and why.
Si Rumination (SJs and NPs)
Si is a perceiving function that gathers information and filters sensory details through past sensory experiences. Therefore, Si dysfunction often results in grossly misinterpreting what the past means for the future.
SJs rely heavily on the Si function, so they tend to unconsciously resist proper Ne development. Their underlying need for a strong sense of psychological stability and physical security means that they are likely to needlessly restrict themselves to comfort zones at the expense of grasping new opportunities for growth and progress. This can result in feelings of stagnation or resignation. When a person wants too much for life to conform to the familiar, they are likely to get emotionally triggered by: unfamiliar details/situations, changes to things they hold dear, lack of reverence for what they deem sacred, perceptions of falling behind, inability to discover better methods or generate ideas to solve problems, inability to confront novelty, events that go beyond what can be reasonably prepared for. Since SJs tend to use past precedent to define the sense of self, anything that threatens their established knowledge base may be treated as a potential threat and thus a catalyst for rumination.
NPs rely heavily on the Ne function, so they tend to unconsciously resist proper Si development. Their underlying need for a continuous sense of inspiration means that they may not pay enough mind to establishing roots and a sense of stability. This can result in being ungrounded and lacking a proper touchstone in times of stress. When a person wants too much to explore new ideas at the expense of the old, they are likely to get emotionally triggered by Si details that suggest they are: unfocused, careless, frivolous, lacking in substance, incapable of prioritizing, incapable of moving forward, falling short of aspirations, repeating past mistakes, stuck in a rut of their own flaws and shortcomings. Since NPs do not build and consolidate knowledge methodically like the best SJs, they only think to turn to the past for grounding whenever they feel lost or insecure, i.e., when it is too late for such thinking to be useful. Rumination on the past is likely to worsen their emotional reactivity because it serves as a constant reminder of how they have failed to live the life that they had hoped for.
How to Deal with Regret
What you have experienced and learned so far is such a small slice of human life, so do not unnecessarily limit yourself and become blind to new opportunities or better possibilities. The best way to approach the past is to treat it like a fable that teaches an important moral lesson. When you learn the right lesson, you obtain proper closure, and then it is possible to move forward because you understand how to avoid repeating the past. Pointless rumination means that you haven’t yet learned the right lesson and thus fear history repeating. History should teach you how to handle future situations by adding to your knowledge base, so if you are using the past as an excuse to avoid confronting the future, your approach is wrong. Real strength of character comes from learning incrementally as you go through each life experience, learning from both the successes and the failures. When you focus too much on preserving the familiar or when you only sit around imagining utopia, you are probably not doing what you should be doing RIGHT NOW to improve the quality of your life.
Ni Rumination (NJs and SPs)
Ni is a perceiving function that gathers information and visualizes potential. Therefore, Ni dysfunction often results in struggling to understand how to develop oneself towards a healthy future self.
NJs rely heavily on the Ni function, so they tend to unconsciously resist proper Se development. Their underlying need for creating meaning and purpose means that they often suffer from tunnel vision and miss out on many opportunities to live life fully. This can result in continually deferring happiness and placing it out of reach behind an unattainable ideal. When a person wants too much for reality to conform with their ideals, they are likely to get emotionally triggered by: unexpected events, intrusion of inconvenient facts, thwarted goals and desires, confronting perceived imperfections, lack of insight into future direction, not having meaningful goals to pursue, not having or not knowing how to actualize good ideas, accusations of being blind to long term implications. Since NJs tend to use their intuitive ability to craft a vision of how the world should be rather than accepting what the world is, anything that doesn’t fit with their (extreme) idea of “perfection” is likely to become a catalyst for rumination.
SPs rely heavily on the Se function, so they tend to unconsciously resist proper Ni development. Their underlying need for immediacy and realness means that they may not pay enough mind to reflecting on long term spiritual fulfillment. This can result in being short-sighted and dismissive of good ideas for improvement. When a person wants too much to have the freedom to move as they please without having to reflect on every little tiny implication of their decision making, they are likely to get emotionally triggered by random Ni thoughts or images that suggest they are: boring, shallow, empty, taking things for granted, a “fraud” and not deserving of success, unable to hold on to good things, not doing things that count for anything, missing out on something important that seems mysteriously out of reach. Since SPs do not have the same reverence for purpose and potential as the best NJs, they only tend to think on such matters whenever they feel overcome by chronic boredom or inexplicable insecurity, i.e., when it is too late for such thinking to be useful. Rumination about abstract matters is likely to worsen their emotional reactivity because it activates underlying fears that existence may not be as easy and effortless as they initially believed.
How to Deal with Existential Unease
Ni is a convergent function that desires one clear vision of how to move forward, which means that Ni tends to be single-minded in its focus. However, this can sometimes work against you because “one vision” can blind you to other possible meanings, interpretations, and implications. When you feel stuck in life, obtain bigger and better perspective by learning something new or by seeking a new viewpoint from someone who is different than you or more knowledgeable than you, which first requires that you have the humility to admit that you don’t know it all. This process will open up your mind to new ways of seeing things and thus new potential paths to pursue. Meaning is subjective and created by you, therefore, if you believe that life has no meaning or that the world is devoid of meaning, the problem is not out there but rather in your own narrow-mindedness. Closing yourself off to other perspectives leads to self-imposed pain because you refuse to accept reality and of course get stuck in a rut. Closure on negative events isn’t found through overthinking or trying/wishing to change things that cannot be changed, rather, it is achieved when you face up to facts and DO something tangible and positive to get your life back on a good track.
Ti Rumination (TPs and FJs)
Ti is a judging function that systematizes information and creates impersonal logical principles to evaluate situations and guide behavior. Therefore, Ti dysfunction often results in drawing illogical conclusions that result in poor judgment.
TPs rely heavily on the Ti function, so they tend to unconsciously resist proper Fe development. Their underlying need to be intellectually free and independent means that they are likely to become entirely oblivious to different perspectives outside of their own. This can result in lack of empathy and a harmfully self-centered mindset. When a person wants too much for the entire world to make logical sense at the expense of understanding the complex reality of how humans make decisions, they are likely to get emotionally triggered by: sentimentality, emotional bias/influence, perceived pressure to conform (to other’s expectations), lack of emotional control, problems with relating/communicating well, failing to handle relationships well, being unable to feel things that they should be feeling. Since TPs tend to pride themselves on being capable and in control of themselves, anything that threatens their sense of self-sufficiency is likely to become a catalyst for rumination.
FJs rely heavily on the Fe function, so they tend to unconsciously resist proper Ti development. Their underlying need for relational harmony and acceptance means that they may not pay enough mind to establishing proper autonomy and systematic thought. This can result in being easily influenced as well as lack of clear thinking during times of stress. When a person wants too much to make decisions that never result in negative feelings and emotions (for anyone), they are likely to get emotionally triggered by Ti judgments that suggest they are: flawed, inadequate, inferior, undeserving, unacceptable, unlovable, causing hurt/harm, being irrational, selfish, inconsistent, or hypocritical. Since FJs do not tend to trust detached logic to adequately address human interests and concerns, they only think to stop and analyze systematically when they feel unhappy and confused, i.e., when it is too late for such thinking to be useful. Rumination about what is “causing” their negative feelings and emotions worsens their emotional reactivity because inability to identify the true cause (or identifying the wrong cause) is likely to impair judgment and make situations worse.
How to Deal with Relationship Issues
Fe types often have difficulty with setting proper emotional boundaries, either getting far too emotionally involved in other people’s business or not getting involved enough to the point of emotional neglect. Stop thinking that relationship problems have easy solutions and that throwing around blame is a helpful exercise. Relationship problems are almost always a two-way street and cannot be properly resolved until both parties are willing to take responsibility for how they contribute to the unhealthy dynamic. However, you cannot force people to change when they are not ready or unwilling to change. The best you can do is take responsibility for your own part and hope that this produces enough good will for the other person to follow suit. Sometimes this works out, sometimes is doesn’t. When relationships reach a natural end, it is better to let go than to force both parties to endure further misery. It is much easier to obtain closure when you’ve taken responsibility for what you’ve done wrong and then there are no hard feelings left to stew on. Always be vigilant about misusing Ti to indulge blaming, critical, or controlling behavior, and replace this bad habit with proper Fe use in order to achieve reconciliation. Remember that no matter who failed or who did what, everybody needs love and validation and they sometimes do misguided or desperate things to fulfill those needs because they never had a chance to learn healthy ways. Have empathy and understanding for people’s foibles, including your own, and you will find it much easier to navigate relationships smoothly. Remember that nobody is perfect: people have bad days and experience negative feelings, two people are bound to disagree about some things, and sometimes there is no way to reconcile competing interests to everyone’s satisfaction. To obtain proper closure requires careful communication and negotiation, which means dealing with negative things maturely instead of trying to suppress or avoid them. The first step is always to accept your own negativity and take responsibility for any harm caused by it.
Fi Rumination (FPs and TJs)
Fi is a judging function that uses personal feelings and values as a guide for decision making. Therefore, Fi dysfunction often results in not knowing how to resolve dilemmas and not reflecting enough on the factual consequences of holding specific values (poor Te judgment).
FPs rely heavily on the Fi function, so they tend to unconsciously resist proper Te development. Their underlying need to honor their personal feelings and values means that they are likely to have difficulty handling situations that produce a sense of incongruency between oneself and the world. This can result in unproductive behavior at best and destructive behavior at worst. When a person wants too much for the world to be congruent with their own feelings and values without reflecting upon whether those feelings are authentic (non-egotistical) and whether the values deserve to be applied universally (morally sound), they are likely to get emotionally triggered by: having their feelings invalidated, having their values questioned, having their personal boundaries violated, feeling restricted in self-expression, feeling confused about moral dilemmas, being confronted with moral failing, (inadvertently) behaving immorally or unjustly. Since FPs tend to use their strong beliefs to define their identity, anything that calls their identity into question is likely to become a catalyst for rumination.
TJs rely heavily on the Te function, so they tend to unconsciously resist proper Fi development. Their underlying need to be efficient and expedient means that they may not pay enough mind to establishing a morally sound value system because it would at times compel them to go against the grain and make life more difficult for themselves. This can result in inauthentic or hypocritical behavior. When a person wants too much to keep life running smoothly at the expense of honoring feelings and preserving integrity, they are likely to get emotionally triggered by Fi judgments that suggest they are: wrong, weak, incapable, insensitive, selfish, callous, amoral or immoral. Since TJs do not value deep and authentic self-expression like the best FPs, they only think to reflect on their feelings of incongruency when they meet seemingly insurmountable problems or setbacks, i.e., when it is too late for such thinking to be useful. Rumination on how they feel bad/wronged only serves to exacerbate anguish over failure or sends them into a spiral of pointless self-pity.
How to Be Truly True to Yourself
To achieve genuine self-esteem requires that you live a life you can be genuinely proud of. This means that, first and foremost, you must exercise proper self-compassion, which is something many people don’t realize. From having compassion for yourself and your own flaws and weaknesses, you can develop proper compassion for others. From feeling proper compassion for others, you can make good moral decisions that produce positive moral outcomes, which naturally eliminates feelings of incongruency and inauthenticity to produce a life of integrity. To have self-compassion requires that you listen to your feelings and honor them properly rather than wishing only for the positive ones and trying to push away the negative ones. Feelings and emotions are an important guide for moral behavior. The more you push them away, the more inauthentic your emotions become, the more egocentric your mindset is, the more you indulge selfish or hypocritical behavior, the lower your self-esteem falls as your behavior continually gets undesirable results. Staying true to yourself isn’t about doing whatever the hell you want, rather, it’s about listening to the voice within that informs you about how to be your best self. Listen to that inner guide and everything else in life tends to fall into place more smoothly.